My ears picked up on the loud splash one of the kids made when they jumped in the pool behind me. I payed it no mind. There were plenty of 10 to 15 year olds splashing around in the pool we were in. I payed them no mind. I was in the water up to my chin, barely moving. I stayed fixed on it. By 'it' I mean The Desk. Yes, I have given that huge, dark brown, wooden desk a name: The Desk. How long has it been? Going on three weeks? I can't believe I still come to this pool area after what happened. I barely even swim anymore. Letting my long, blonde hair relax in the water. I don't do that anymore. I just get in the water, become still as I stare at The Desk. That fucker. I can't believe I got over it so fast. Am I over it? Of course I am, I mean, I stayed quiet this long haven't I? Nobody knows, and I want it to stay that way. Maybe for forever, like it never happened.
I hate pity. I don't want people to pity me, especially my boyfriend of five months, Gabriel Munez. I say his whole name because I like it. My fear is for him to pity me. And once he pities me, I'll be seen to him in a different light. There won't be no more Dawn and Gabriel Munez. And I would hate to see that happen because I truly love him; his name and especially his wild, dark, curly hair, that lays on his shoulders. When he wears it out he looks mixed, but when it's wrapped up in a ponytail he looks Latino. I like him either way. And we have that in common. He loves my hair too. It's on the light side of blonde and it passes my shoulders by a few inches. It's always neat and straight; not a hair out of place. But what he also loves is my eyes. They are pretty unusual I guess. They are a pale green. Gabriel says that they are a scary eye color, but they don't make me look scary, just beautiful.
Like I previously said, me and Gabriel have been dating for five months. I know it's not a long time, but we've known each other since middle school. I don't know why we officially started to date in our senior year of high school, but, oh well. One thing I am, and he is not, is a virgin. I told him I was a virgin, and I'd like to believe it. I was- no- I am a virgin and that's what Gabriel knows.... and it's the truth.
"You're so quiet and reserved and that's what I love about you," Gabriel tells me. He's not from Section 3, but Section 1 where every thing is loud and there is violence. In Section 3 it's more quiet and peaceful.
"I'm actually glade I live here now," he had said. I don't really talk much and I'm on the timid side, I'm even still quiet around Gabriel, but he doesn't mind it.
We were sitting outside of school as other students strolled by and drove off. I got some disgusted looks from the other white girls. I'm not preppy like them and my boyfriend is of another race. Majority of the people around here are prejudice, my dumbass older sister too. She is so self-centered. I disheart her.
"So what's the plan today?" I asked Gabriel.
"I was hoping you could come over to my place and chill." Gabriel's parents are almost never home, so if we were to have sex, which we are planning to sometime soon, then it would be at his house. So off we went to his house. It's been like this for a few days. We'd go over there, cuddle, then kiss, then makeout, but it didn't go further than that. I don't know why.
"I know you're scared to loose your virginity, but it hurts only one time, so I've heard."
"Have you been with virgins before?" I asked this question before, but I don't think he had heard me.
"Yeah, only one other. She said the first five minutes hurt and then she was fine." That's a lie..... but I just said 'oh'.
"I look so good in this dress," Misty said. I was the only one with a full length mirror so Misty usually came in my room to check herself. It was Thursday night; Ladies' Night. The week was almost over and it's going on four weeks since I last had contact with The Desk. I'm over that though. "So what are you going to do? Stay home?" I hate her voice.
"I have homework you know? School night," I said like 'duh'.
"Right." Misty didn't have classes on Friday so she was set to go. Sometimes I feel like Misty needs to grow up and act her age. She's 20, still lives at home, goes to the community college of all the colleges around, and her friends consist of girls from 16 to19, who she feels she needs to guide. And she thinks she has a life. Yeah. Right. "Okay, bye loser," she said and left. The best thing she has ever did was close the door on her way out.
I dreamt of it again, except there was blood everywhere. It was gushing out of me and all over The Desk. I woke up cold and sweaty and didn't dare go back to sleep. Why am I scared of The Desk more than I am of him?
I answered my previous question. After school on Fridays, Gabriel knows that I go straight to the YMCA to go swimming. I guess that is why I still go; so Gabriel doesn't get suspicious as to why I stopped. But I don't swim. So again I stared at The Desk and spotted him in the hall. Everybody said 'hi' to him and he smiled in their faces. He was away for four weeks? That's why I haven't seen him and The Desk took his place? But my pulse didn't quicken or anything, so I must be over it. But that doesn't explain the continued dreams. I continued to watch him. He had the audacity to sit at The Desk, as if life was perfect. The bastard.
Misty was shocked that I was still a virgin. The whore. She brags about loosing her V-card when she was 15 years old. All I have to say is, 'Thank God you didn't get pregnant'. That's all she does is talk about herself. I've gotten to the point of pushing the "ignore" button on her. Gabriel hates her as well. But I think 17 is a good age to loose the V-card. Gabriel said he lost his when he was 13, which is something he regrets because he was too young. I don't know when we'll have sex, but I know that the date is right around the corner.
"Dawn, don't get like your sister and rush into things," Mom tells me. We're in the beginning of week four. I wonder if she could tell? But since she told me not to rush into anything she's probably oblivious.
"Don't worry mom, I won't." I smiled at her. She smiled back.
"I know. You and Misty are two different people."
"That's for sure."
Gabriel can drive and I can't, simply because he has a liscense and I don't. So tonight he was taking me over to his place to spend time with him and his family. Family is really important to Gabriel. I wish I could say the same. I don't mind Gabriel's parents and they don't mind me. They are nice and Gabriel's mother knows how to cook. Tonight we were going to watch a movie. We all sat on the couch in the dark living room with popcorn, watching a movie that I forgot the name to. I guess the movie was a comedy because every here and there I heard Gabriel's mom laughing as she cuddled beside her husband. I was hardly paying attention to the movie; my mind seemed to wander...
I spent that night at Gabriel's house, sleeping with him in his bed. His parents are comfortable with us doing such things. I fell asleep quick and was immediately in the pool at the Y again. I've had these dreams before. The pool turned red while I was in it. I looked frantically around, until my eyes landed on him. He was in the pool with me; naked and grinning. I woke right up, breathing hard. Damn these dreams. I felt a hand. His? I screamed.
"Calm down, it's just me," Gabriel said. I hugged him and put my head on his shoulder. He soothed me and rubbed my back. I thought I could get over it, these dreams, but maybe I can't.
It's now a month and I'm totally convinced that the past is in the past. I even try not to go to the Y anymore, telling Gabriel that I grew out of going. When I look at myself in the mirror I seem brighter, happier, bouncier. My hair looks more decent. I hadn't noticed it looking out of place a few weeks ago. I feel like a whole new person and I was focusing all my time and attention on Gabriel.
To move things along in our relationship, but I'm not trying to rush things, I suggested practicing oral sex. We never talked about it and it's a fascinating subject. But Gabriel got mad all of a sudden.
"Don't say things like that."
"Like what?" I was confused.
"Don't talk about that stuff." I saw the most disgusted look on Gabriel's face.
"You mean oral sex?"
"Yes Dawn!" He exhaled sharply.
"Why? What's wrong with it?"
"It's very disgusting. I don't want the girl that I love doing such a foul thing like going down on me. I feel it's disrespectful and demeaning. I'm not a fan at all on going down on females. It's all just nasty and degrading."
"Wow. I didn't know you were so passionate in your opinion about the subject." He just shook his head. I didn't know what to think about what he just said. Should I be flattered and happy that he respects me in those regards or disappointed in his lack of ways to please me in bed, thus making the relationship boring in the future?
Sometime in week six I went to the grocery store with my mom. She seemed detached, like her mind was elsewhere. She let me do the picking up of items while she just followed along.
"What is up with you?" I asked. She just shook her head. I was getting ready to pick up a box of cereal when I seen him.The Bastard... and his family? A wife, it looked to be, and a younger girl. Daughter? I dropped the cereal box. The Bastard has a family? It didn't seem right. How can a cruel being like him have a lovely wife and kid? Would he want some man like himself to take advantage of his wife or daughter, who looked like six? His daughter winding up being a girl like me? Wait. Why am I thinking this? I'm completely happy, aren't I? But no, his eyes just had to look my way. And right through me at that. You can see me, I know you can. Look at me and see what you have done. Better yet, don't look at me. Forget about me and take back what you did. His eyes are dead when they see me, as if I'm invisible and don't exist. His wife smiles up at him, his arm around her, and the daughter is bouncing around, not a care in the world. And The Bastard is perfectly fine with looking at me. As if I'm just a regular girl at a grocery store. As if I'm not the girl he...
"Dawn! Hello, are you going to pick up the box?" I look at my mom who's speaking. She sighs and picks it up for me. I'm not okay.
And then it eats up at me, but I let it. Mom finally decides to talk to me about her issues with dad, but I could care less. It's too late and now my mind is wandering, but stuck on one scenario: about what happened six weeks ago.
I never thought about turning back the hands of time because I was a happy child. A happy, content teenager. I was fine then. How could I have avoided it so that I could still be fine? I want my old life back.
Two months. Yep, nine weeks. I was now noticing the issues between mom and dad. She suspected that he was cheating and she was a wreck. Sometimes dad didn't so much as look at mom. He looked fine while mom looked ill.
"It's not healthy," Misty was saying as she was applying eyeliner in my room at my mirror. "If mom suspects that dad is cheating then she should just go ahead and cheat on him. A woman's intuition is very reliable." I rolled my eyes at this dumb hippo.This is the reason why I try not to speak to her.
The shit hit the fan on week ten. I came home from school with Gabriel to do homework and we walked into a tsunami. My mom's face was red and she was throwing all types of house items at dad and the wall. Dad was running around the house trying to avoid mom and dodging the house items being thrown.
"This is pure entertainment," Gabriel said. I hit his arm and ran for mom to try and calm her down.
Mom separated from dad and he moved out. Days later I found out from some girl at school that her older sister was living with my dad in an apartment. Dad got his mistress right after the separation. And she was younger.
I lost track of the week after awhile, but it seems like a century ago. I'm officially over it.
Even though the clouds looked gray and the sky almost dark as night, and a little chilly, me and Gabriel
walked home from school, holding hands and smiling. Feeling a few sprinkles, I put my hoody on. I was feeling good today, despite the depressing looking weather. The plan was to hang out at Gabriel's house.
We were just strolling when rain poured down on us. I screamed first but Gabriel was on the move and dragged me with him. We ran the rest of the way to his house. Gabriel pounded on the door and his mom immediately answered.
"Whoa! Hi guys, it looks nasty out there."
"Yeah, it was just fine a minute ago," Gabriel said, stripping off his book bag and coat.
"Well, how was school?"
"Same,"Gabriel said.
"Fine," I replied.
"Do you guys want a snack or anything?"
"We'll come down if we do," Gabriel said.
"Alright. I'm in the laundry room if you need me." And up the stairs me and Gabriel went.
First thing that happened was that Gabriel threw our wet stuff in the corner. Second thing was we got right into making out. This time felt different. The room even felt different. And I could hear the thunder in the background.
I felt Gabriel's cold hands on my skin, a few inches away from my belly button. His hands were underneath my shirt, so I just took my shirt off and was left in my white bra. Gabriel did the same and by now we were besides his bed, moving onto it.
The kisses continued and intensified once we were in the bed. He was on top and kissed his way down my neck, onto and around my chest and landed on my stomach. I took off my semi-dried jeans and was left in my white bra and underwear. Gabriel, again, repeated.
The makeout continued for five more minutes and I knew that it was set; that we were about to do this, when we were under the covers and all that was between us was his boxers. All was silent when he reached for the bedside drawer. I was wondering what he was doing, until I saw the condom. That's when I got a good look of the room. It was darker than I thought and it was really dark outside for 3:15; which is the time on the clock on top of his bedside drawer.
While observing all this, I had not noticed that he had the condom on and asked me if I was ready.
"You okay?" He asked.
"Yeah," I nodded. And I felt him go in. It didn't hurt. Actually, I almost couldn't tell whether he was in or not. When I looked at his face I could see that he looked confused. After the fifth thrust he gave me a disgusted and mean look. Then he pulled out and away from me.
"What's wrong? You weren't hurting me."
"I could tell," he threw over his shoulder. I watched him pull off the condom. I was in shock... and scared.
"Then what's wrong? What are you doing?" He had his jeans on, stood up and looked down at me.
"Is there something you want to tell me, Dawn?" I was confused.
"No."
"You sure? Because right now our relationship is on the line, so you better just tell me now." I was beyond baffled and tried to put some of my clothes back on.
"What are you talking about Gabriel? I have nothing to tell you. Everything was just fine a minute ago."
"You sure?" I haven't seen him this quite peeved off.
"Why do you keep asking-"
"You're not a virgin are you, Dawn." He interrupted me. I paused whatever I was doing. Maybe I even paused my breathing, but it was so quiet and my breathing sounded like the loudest thing in the room. "You aren't are you." It wasn't a question because he said it like he already knew. He showed less anger, but I knew it was still there.
"What are you talking about?" I barely whispered. He was irritated and threw his arms in the air.
"You serious Dawn? Now you're going to lie to me?" How did he know? How can he tell? I jumped up off the bed.
"But I am, really, Gabriel."
"It doesn't do anything to lie to yourself." He'll pity me. He'll pity me! What will I do?
"Okay, I cheated on you." It came out fast. He was shell-shocked. It's better this way, I prefer this. We can still make this work.
"I don't believe you." I looked off somewhere.
"But you can tell that I'm not a virgin, there is no other w-"
"Dawn! H-. W-. I-I don't even know what to say." He groaned, with his hands in his hair and his head down. "Why would you do something like that? You'd rather give your virginity to someone else than me? How long did you even know this other guy?" Storytime. My mind went blank. "You'd rather be with that guy?" Gabriel truly looked hurt. I didn't know where else to look. "Fine," he nodded and put on his shirt. "I'm gone, we're done. You can get your shit and leave." Tears welled in my eyes.
"But Gab, we can make this work, it was only one time and I didn't enjoy it."
"And it was your first time, Dawn. I'm really not comprehending this right now because you had me. You didn't need him. Obviously that's not the case. I'm not sticking around with a cheater. You can go now, Dawn." No this can't happen. He was pointing to the door, but I didn't move. He eventually shrugged, picked up the rest of my stuff and grabbed my arm, pulling me to the door.
"Nooo, no, no, Gab, you can't! I love you and you love me."
"You weren't thinking that when you were with him and I'm not thinking that right now." I spinned from his grasp and away from him. He gave me the meanest and annoyed look. "What the hell are you doing? Get the hell out of my room!" He shouted in my face. I cried there. He can't know. "I don't give a damn about your tears, Dawn. You made your bed, you know how the saying goes. I don't want to physically hurt you, but you have to leave." This hurts more than being...
"Raped." There. There it was. Now it's really over.
"What?" I looked up at him.
"I was raped," I spoke low. And there it was! His face! Right away he looked sad and heart-broken. "Don't! Don't you fucking dare!"
"What?" He was puzzled.
"Don't you fucking pity me! I'm strong. I'm not weak." Gabriel wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me close to him.
"You was raped, Dawn? How and when?"
"I don't know, maybe three months ago." He backed up quickly.
"Three months ago! Why didn't you tell me? Did you speak to anyone?" I put my head down. "Dawn, c'mon, you need to see someone."
"No, they'll pity me and stare and look at me."
"Dawn, that really isn't important. Your health is and I'm worried now." I didn't say anything. "You really didn't cheat?" I shook my head.
"No, I didn't." I just wanted to die. He came to hold me again.
"I love you, Dawn, I do. I'll protect you more for now on. Where did it happen?" I squeezed my eyes.
"In an office at the pool."
"Someone who works at the Y did this?" I nodded. "Dawn, I'm here to help. We have to report him, do something. Are you with me?" I looked into his eyes and he was serious.
"You won't leave me?"
"Of course not. C'mon, let's go tell my mom." I was hesitant, but he pulled me gently along to the door. I firmly grabbed his hand and walked with him out the door.
I hate pity. I don't want people to pity me, especially my boyfriend of five months, Gabriel Munez. I say his whole name because I like it. My fear is for him to pity me. And once he pities me, I'll be seen to him in a different light. There won't be no more Dawn and Gabriel Munez. And I would hate to see that happen because I truly love him; his name and especially his wild, dark, curly hair, that lays on his shoulders. When he wears it out he looks mixed, but when it's wrapped up in a ponytail he looks Latino. I like him either way. And we have that in common. He loves my hair too. It's on the light side of blonde and it passes my shoulders by a few inches. It's always neat and straight; not a hair out of place. But what he also loves is my eyes. They are pretty unusual I guess. They are a pale green. Gabriel says that they are a scary eye color, but they don't make me look scary, just beautiful.
Like I previously said, me and Gabriel have been dating for five months. I know it's not a long time, but we've known each other since middle school. I don't know why we officially started to date in our senior year of high school, but, oh well. One thing I am, and he is not, is a virgin. I told him I was a virgin, and I'd like to believe it. I was- no- I am a virgin and that's what Gabriel knows.... and it's the truth.
"You're so quiet and reserved and that's what I love about you," Gabriel tells me. He's not from Section 3, but Section 1 where every thing is loud and there is violence. In Section 3 it's more quiet and peaceful.
"I'm actually glade I live here now," he had said. I don't really talk much and I'm on the timid side, I'm even still quiet around Gabriel, but he doesn't mind it.
We were sitting outside of school as other students strolled by and drove off. I got some disgusted looks from the other white girls. I'm not preppy like them and my boyfriend is of another race. Majority of the people around here are prejudice, my dumbass older sister too. She is so self-centered. I disheart her.
"So what's the plan today?" I asked Gabriel.
"I was hoping you could come over to my place and chill." Gabriel's parents are almost never home, so if we were to have sex, which we are planning to sometime soon, then it would be at his house. So off we went to his house. It's been like this for a few days. We'd go over there, cuddle, then kiss, then makeout, but it didn't go further than that. I don't know why.
"I know you're scared to loose your virginity, but it hurts only one time, so I've heard."
"Have you been with virgins before?" I asked this question before, but I don't think he had heard me.
"Yeah, only one other. She said the first five minutes hurt and then she was fine." That's a lie..... but I just said 'oh'.
"I look so good in this dress," Misty said. I was the only one with a full length mirror so Misty usually came in my room to check herself. It was Thursday night; Ladies' Night. The week was almost over and it's going on four weeks since I last had contact with The Desk. I'm over that though. "So what are you going to do? Stay home?" I hate her voice.
"I have homework you know? School night," I said like 'duh'.
"Right." Misty didn't have classes on Friday so she was set to go. Sometimes I feel like Misty needs to grow up and act her age. She's 20, still lives at home, goes to the community college of all the colleges around, and her friends consist of girls from 16 to19, who she feels she needs to guide. And she thinks she has a life. Yeah. Right. "Okay, bye loser," she said and left. The best thing she has ever did was close the door on her way out.
I dreamt of it again, except there was blood everywhere. It was gushing out of me and all over The Desk. I woke up cold and sweaty and didn't dare go back to sleep. Why am I scared of The Desk more than I am of him?
I answered my previous question. After school on Fridays, Gabriel knows that I go straight to the YMCA to go swimming. I guess that is why I still go; so Gabriel doesn't get suspicious as to why I stopped. But I don't swim. So again I stared at The Desk and spotted him in the hall. Everybody said 'hi' to him and he smiled in their faces. He was away for four weeks? That's why I haven't seen him and The Desk took his place? But my pulse didn't quicken or anything, so I must be over it. But that doesn't explain the continued dreams. I continued to watch him. He had the audacity to sit at The Desk, as if life was perfect. The bastard.
Misty was shocked that I was still a virgin. The whore. She brags about loosing her V-card when she was 15 years old. All I have to say is, 'Thank God you didn't get pregnant'. That's all she does is talk about herself. I've gotten to the point of pushing the "ignore" button on her. Gabriel hates her as well. But I think 17 is a good age to loose the V-card. Gabriel said he lost his when he was 13, which is something he regrets because he was too young. I don't know when we'll have sex, but I know that the date is right around the corner.
"Dawn, don't get like your sister and rush into things," Mom tells me. We're in the beginning of week four. I wonder if she could tell? But since she told me not to rush into anything she's probably oblivious.
"Don't worry mom, I won't." I smiled at her. She smiled back.
"I know. You and Misty are two different people."
"That's for sure."
Gabriel can drive and I can't, simply because he has a liscense and I don't. So tonight he was taking me over to his place to spend time with him and his family. Family is really important to Gabriel. I wish I could say the same. I don't mind Gabriel's parents and they don't mind me. They are nice and Gabriel's mother knows how to cook. Tonight we were going to watch a movie. We all sat on the couch in the dark living room with popcorn, watching a movie that I forgot the name to. I guess the movie was a comedy because every here and there I heard Gabriel's mom laughing as she cuddled beside her husband. I was hardly paying attention to the movie; my mind seemed to wander...
I spent that night at Gabriel's house, sleeping with him in his bed. His parents are comfortable with us doing such things. I fell asleep quick and was immediately in the pool at the Y again. I've had these dreams before. The pool turned red while I was in it. I looked frantically around, until my eyes landed on him. He was in the pool with me; naked and grinning. I woke right up, breathing hard. Damn these dreams. I felt a hand. His? I screamed.
"Calm down, it's just me," Gabriel said. I hugged him and put my head on his shoulder. He soothed me and rubbed my back. I thought I could get over it, these dreams, but maybe I can't.
It's now a month and I'm totally convinced that the past is in the past. I even try not to go to the Y anymore, telling Gabriel that I grew out of going. When I look at myself in the mirror I seem brighter, happier, bouncier. My hair looks more decent. I hadn't noticed it looking out of place a few weeks ago. I feel like a whole new person and I was focusing all my time and attention on Gabriel.
To move things along in our relationship, but I'm not trying to rush things, I suggested practicing oral sex. We never talked about it and it's a fascinating subject. But Gabriel got mad all of a sudden.
"Don't say things like that."
"Like what?" I was confused.
"Don't talk about that stuff." I saw the most disgusted look on Gabriel's face.
"You mean oral sex?"
"Yes Dawn!" He exhaled sharply.
"Why? What's wrong with it?"
"It's very disgusting. I don't want the girl that I love doing such a foul thing like going down on me. I feel it's disrespectful and demeaning. I'm not a fan at all on going down on females. It's all just nasty and degrading."
"Wow. I didn't know you were so passionate in your opinion about the subject." He just shook his head. I didn't know what to think about what he just said. Should I be flattered and happy that he respects me in those regards or disappointed in his lack of ways to please me in bed, thus making the relationship boring in the future?
Sometime in week six I went to the grocery store with my mom. She seemed detached, like her mind was elsewhere. She let me do the picking up of items while she just followed along.
"What is up with you?" I asked. She just shook her head. I was getting ready to pick up a box of cereal when I seen him.The Bastard... and his family? A wife, it looked to be, and a younger girl. Daughter? I dropped the cereal box. The Bastard has a family? It didn't seem right. How can a cruel being like him have a lovely wife and kid? Would he want some man like himself to take advantage of his wife or daughter, who looked like six? His daughter winding up being a girl like me? Wait. Why am I thinking this? I'm completely happy, aren't I? But no, his eyes just had to look my way. And right through me at that. You can see me, I know you can. Look at me and see what you have done. Better yet, don't look at me. Forget about me and take back what you did. His eyes are dead when they see me, as if I'm invisible and don't exist. His wife smiles up at him, his arm around her, and the daughter is bouncing around, not a care in the world. And The Bastard is perfectly fine with looking at me. As if I'm just a regular girl at a grocery store. As if I'm not the girl he...
"Dawn! Hello, are you going to pick up the box?" I look at my mom who's speaking. She sighs and picks it up for me. I'm not okay.
And then it eats up at me, but I let it. Mom finally decides to talk to me about her issues with dad, but I could care less. It's too late and now my mind is wandering, but stuck on one scenario: about what happened six weeks ago.
I never thought about turning back the hands of time because I was a happy child. A happy, content teenager. I was fine then. How could I have avoided it so that I could still be fine? I want my old life back.
Two months. Yep, nine weeks. I was now noticing the issues between mom and dad. She suspected that he was cheating and she was a wreck. Sometimes dad didn't so much as look at mom. He looked fine while mom looked ill.
"It's not healthy," Misty was saying as she was applying eyeliner in my room at my mirror. "If mom suspects that dad is cheating then she should just go ahead and cheat on him. A woman's intuition is very reliable." I rolled my eyes at this dumb hippo.This is the reason why I try not to speak to her.
The shit hit the fan on week ten. I came home from school with Gabriel to do homework and we walked into a tsunami. My mom's face was red and she was throwing all types of house items at dad and the wall. Dad was running around the house trying to avoid mom and dodging the house items being thrown.
"This is pure entertainment," Gabriel said. I hit his arm and ran for mom to try and calm her down.
Mom separated from dad and he moved out. Days later I found out from some girl at school that her older sister was living with my dad in an apartment. Dad got his mistress right after the separation. And she was younger.
I lost track of the week after awhile, but it seems like a century ago. I'm officially over it.
Even though the clouds looked gray and the sky almost dark as night, and a little chilly, me and Gabriel
walked home from school, holding hands and smiling. Feeling a few sprinkles, I put my hoody on. I was feeling good today, despite the depressing looking weather. The plan was to hang out at Gabriel's house.
We were just strolling when rain poured down on us. I screamed first but Gabriel was on the move and dragged me with him. We ran the rest of the way to his house. Gabriel pounded on the door and his mom immediately answered.
"Whoa! Hi guys, it looks nasty out there."
"Yeah, it was just fine a minute ago," Gabriel said, stripping off his book bag and coat.
"Well, how was school?"
"Same,"Gabriel said.
"Fine," I replied.
"Do you guys want a snack or anything?"
"We'll come down if we do," Gabriel said.
"Alright. I'm in the laundry room if you need me." And up the stairs me and Gabriel went.
First thing that happened was that Gabriel threw our wet stuff in the corner. Second thing was we got right into making out. This time felt different. The room even felt different. And I could hear the thunder in the background.
I felt Gabriel's cold hands on my skin, a few inches away from my belly button. His hands were underneath my shirt, so I just took my shirt off and was left in my white bra. Gabriel did the same and by now we were besides his bed, moving onto it.
The kisses continued and intensified once we were in the bed. He was on top and kissed his way down my neck, onto and around my chest and landed on my stomach. I took off my semi-dried jeans and was left in my white bra and underwear. Gabriel, again, repeated.
The makeout continued for five more minutes and I knew that it was set; that we were about to do this, when we were under the covers and all that was between us was his boxers. All was silent when he reached for the bedside drawer. I was wondering what he was doing, until I saw the condom. That's when I got a good look of the room. It was darker than I thought and it was really dark outside for 3:15; which is the time on the clock on top of his bedside drawer.
While observing all this, I had not noticed that he had the condom on and asked me if I was ready.
"You okay?" He asked.
"Yeah," I nodded. And I felt him go in. It didn't hurt. Actually, I almost couldn't tell whether he was in or not. When I looked at his face I could see that he looked confused. After the fifth thrust he gave me a disgusted and mean look. Then he pulled out and away from me.
"What's wrong? You weren't hurting me."
"I could tell," he threw over his shoulder. I watched him pull off the condom. I was in shock... and scared.
"Then what's wrong? What are you doing?" He had his jeans on, stood up and looked down at me.
"Is there something you want to tell me, Dawn?" I was confused.
"No."
"You sure? Because right now our relationship is on the line, so you better just tell me now." I was beyond baffled and tried to put some of my clothes back on.
"What are you talking about Gabriel? I have nothing to tell you. Everything was just fine a minute ago."
"You sure?" I haven't seen him this quite peeved off.
"Why do you keep asking-"
"You're not a virgin are you, Dawn." He interrupted me. I paused whatever I was doing. Maybe I even paused my breathing, but it was so quiet and my breathing sounded like the loudest thing in the room. "You aren't are you." It wasn't a question because he said it like he already knew. He showed less anger, but I knew it was still there.
"What are you talking about?" I barely whispered. He was irritated and threw his arms in the air.
"You serious Dawn? Now you're going to lie to me?" How did he know? How can he tell? I jumped up off the bed.
"But I am, really, Gabriel."
"It doesn't do anything to lie to yourself." He'll pity me. He'll pity me! What will I do?
"Okay, I cheated on you." It came out fast. He was shell-shocked. It's better this way, I prefer this. We can still make this work.
"I don't believe you." I looked off somewhere.
"But you can tell that I'm not a virgin, there is no other w-"
"Dawn! H-. W-. I-I don't even know what to say." He groaned, with his hands in his hair and his head down. "Why would you do something like that? You'd rather give your virginity to someone else than me? How long did you even know this other guy?" Storytime. My mind went blank. "You'd rather be with that guy?" Gabriel truly looked hurt. I didn't know where else to look. "Fine," he nodded and put on his shirt. "I'm gone, we're done. You can get your shit and leave." Tears welled in my eyes.
"But Gab, we can make this work, it was only one time and I didn't enjoy it."
"And it was your first time, Dawn. I'm really not comprehending this right now because you had me. You didn't need him. Obviously that's not the case. I'm not sticking around with a cheater. You can go now, Dawn." No this can't happen. He was pointing to the door, but I didn't move. He eventually shrugged, picked up the rest of my stuff and grabbed my arm, pulling me to the door.
"Nooo, no, no, Gab, you can't! I love you and you love me."
"You weren't thinking that when you were with him and I'm not thinking that right now." I spinned from his grasp and away from him. He gave me the meanest and annoyed look. "What the hell are you doing? Get the hell out of my room!" He shouted in my face. I cried there. He can't know. "I don't give a damn about your tears, Dawn. You made your bed, you know how the saying goes. I don't want to physically hurt you, but you have to leave." This hurts more than being...
"Raped." There. There it was. Now it's really over.
"What?" I looked up at him.
"I was raped," I spoke low. And there it was! His face! Right away he looked sad and heart-broken. "Don't! Don't you fucking dare!"
"What?" He was puzzled.
"Don't you fucking pity me! I'm strong. I'm not weak." Gabriel wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me close to him.
"You was raped, Dawn? How and when?"
"I don't know, maybe three months ago." He backed up quickly.
"Three months ago! Why didn't you tell me? Did you speak to anyone?" I put my head down. "Dawn, c'mon, you need to see someone."
"No, they'll pity me and stare and look at me."
"Dawn, that really isn't important. Your health is and I'm worried now." I didn't say anything. "You really didn't cheat?" I shook my head.
"No, I didn't." I just wanted to die. He came to hold me again.
"I love you, Dawn, I do. I'll protect you more for now on. Where did it happen?" I squeezed my eyes.
"In an office at the pool."
"Someone who works at the Y did this?" I nodded. "Dawn, I'm here to help. We have to report him, do something. Are you with me?" I looked into his eyes and he was serious.
"You won't leave me?"
"Of course not. C'mon, let's go tell my mom." I was hesitant, but he pulled me gently along to the door. I firmly grabbed his hand and walked with him out the door.
Comments
Post a Comment